He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is it penis luge time yet?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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