The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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