I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
