best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
