Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
