Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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