Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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