just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
