friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
