I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
