i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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