booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
