I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
