break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
