I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I didn't notice because vodka
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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