I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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