I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
