You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
