I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
