your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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