I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
