I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
