So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
