There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
