Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize