your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize