i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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