i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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