My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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