So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
