my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
