I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
