I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
