im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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