I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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