We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
