the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
