I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
