Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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