we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
