I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
