i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
