yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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