i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
