me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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