Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
