There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
