I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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