Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
