Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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