i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
