Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
tell me about the eggs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
