12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
