Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
