That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
