I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
two words: eviction party
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We had to coat check the pizza.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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