I met the friendliest cop last night
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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