I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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