Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
