i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
