It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Randomize
