I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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