im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
