Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
