i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
