eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
