i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
