This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
