Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
