so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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