This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
