I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
