I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
operation harelip BJ is a go
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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