Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
