would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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