1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This house was built for laser tag.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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