Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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