I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
