you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
