I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize