i already hear my dad disowning me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
