Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Do vagina's smell?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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