so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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