glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Randomize
