I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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