The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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