This is not my ceiling
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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