Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
