I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
