can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
