Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
MIDGETS
????
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize