I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
