Just cropdusted the office
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
