my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
