It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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