I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
