apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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