So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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