After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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