Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
last night I used snow as a chaser
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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