I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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